I watched a trailer on ABC iView about Rachel Ward, the Golden Globe-nominated star of The Thorn Birds, who gave up acting to become a grazier. What a transition!
Rachel changed the narrative of acting, beauty and glamour – a world that had left her feeling empty and in a dark place. Becoming a grazier became part of a new story – a story of change that honoured aspects of her former identity while allowing her to create a new one that was more fulfilling.
And like Rachel, we all have stories that we tell ourselves. We identify with them. They become part of our neural makeup and belief systems. We identify with these stories, and sometimes with people who have similar stories. Somehow or another, our true selves can become lost within the identities we create for ourselves, for better or for worse.
We can become trapped in these “perfect” stories.
Lance Armstrong is a good example. He was the cancer survivor, inspirational hero and seven-time Tour de France champion. And then came the painful truth: his confession that much of the story was a lie and that he had been using performance-enhancing drugs. He had become trapped within his own narrative, until it became part of who he was.
So, why do people create stories about themselves?
Perhaps it is because stories help us make sense of our experiences, process pain, compensate for a poor self-image or self-esteem, gain a sense of control over our lives, or because repetition strengthens our belief systems.
The stories we create may not necessarily be lies. They may be genuine reflections of our experiences. What is perhaps more important is the meaning we assign to them. The meanings we attach to our experiences and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.
Perhaps change begins when we are willing to question the stories, we have been telling ourselves. Our past may have shaped our story, but it does not have to define us or decide who we become.
Perhaps the question is not whether our story is true or false, but whether the story we tell ourselves still serves who we are becoming. And, it is about change.
Dr Dom @ Counselling with Dom.