Have you ever wondered where the voice in your head comes from?
I am not talking about some mysterious voice. I am talking about that inner voice that tells you who you are, what you can do, and sometimes, what you should think about yourself.
But have you ever stopped and asked, “Who taught me to speak to myself this way?”
I remember a young adult at a youth meeting sharing her struggles with body image. Her mother had not only body-shamed her but had told her from childhood that she was not as beautiful as her sister.
Over the years, those words had become part of how she saw herself. She had internalised them. Her mother’s voice had become a voice in her own head.
She would often say, “I am so ugly.”
Then something happened that I have never forgotten.
Someone at the youth meeting said to her, “You are incredibly attractive and great to hang out with.”
It was a simple comment, but it seemed to touch something much deeper.
For perhaps the first time, another voice challenged the one she had been listening to for years.
From that day onwards, she seemed to listen less and less to the voice that told her she was ugly. Her self-image changed. Her confidence grew. Her self-esteem began to rise.
What a change!
Her circumstances had not suddenly changed. What began to change was the way she saw herself.
Perhaps that is where change begins for many of us.
We hear certain messages so often that we eventually stop questioning them. We assume they are our thoughts. We assume they are who we are.
But are they?
Sometimes these voices come from people we love or trust—parents, relatives, teachers, friends, partners, religious leaders or others whose words carried weight in our lives.
“You are too sensitive.”
“You’ve got to be strong for your family.”
“Don’t be a sissy.”
“You’re not good enough.”
“You’ll never amount to anything.”
The words may have been spoken years ago, but somehow we keep carrying them.
Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Sometimes change begins simply by becoming aware of what has been influencing us. We begin to notice the voices, messages and beliefs we have carried without questioning them.
I often ask people three simple questions:
Who told you that?
When did they tell you that?
And why are you still listening to that voice?
I am not suggesting we blame others for everything that happens in our lives. Rather, we need to become curious about the stories we have accepted about ourselves.
Because what we have learned can also be unlearned.
What has shaped us does not have to determine who we become.
Change can begin with a quiet realisation:
“That voice is not really mine.”
So, listen to the voices in your head.
Where did they come from?
What have they made you believe about yourself?
And most importantly, what might change if you stopped listening to them?
Perhaps the voice that shaped you does not have to be the voice that defines you.
Dr Dom @ Counselling with Dom.