The Voices We Carry
I often wonder how much of who we are has been shaped by the voices we have heard along the way.
Some of the voices we inherited are powerful enough to drown out our own inner voices. They can come from our parents, relatives, teachers, religious figures, our culture, society, or even people who have criticised us.
We hear these voices. We absorb them. We imbibe them. We make them our own. And, over time, we can begin to believe that they are part of who and what we are.
A Voice From My Childhood
I vividly remember my Kindergarten teacher repeatedly telling me that I was a good boy.
I wonder how much those words shaped me. I believe they influenced my identity, my sense of worth and, perhaps, the direction my life took.
I remember seeking her approval. I wanted her recognition. My behaviour was conditioned by it. I was afraid of her, and I morphed into her little angel to earn her love and approval.
I dreaded being on the receiving end of her wrath or criticism. She had a sharp tongue.
Looking back now, I find myself wondering about that little boy.
Was I a good boy, or did I learn to become a good boy because I wanted her approval?
And if I learned that being a “good boy” earned her approval, did her approval gradually become a measure of my own worth?
What Stayed With Me?
Carl Rogers, a psychologist, referred to this as “conditions of worth.” His words have made me reflect on my own experience.
The teacher is no longer in my life. That little boy has grown up. Yet, somewhere buried deep within me, her voice remains.
That makes me wonder.
How many of the voices we carry today began with someone else?
How many have we absorbed so deeply that we no longer recognise them as someone else’s voice?
Perhaps you, too, can identify with me.
Perhaps someone’s voice is central to your identity.
Whose voice are you listening to?